


Blackout: A Wolf 359 Choose Your Own Adventure Story

by harpers_mirror (SapphireBryony)



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Choose Your Own Adventure, F/M, Gen, bodily harm and violence/threats of violence on some paths, light Eiffera, major character death on some paths, wolf 359 secret santa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 07:25:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 8,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8967166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SapphireBryony/pseuds/harpers_mirror
Summary: A sudden power outage. Mysterious scratching noises. Disappearing crew members. Welcome to the first-ever Wolf 359 Choose Your Own Adventure story.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HappyFunBallXD](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HappyFunBallXD/gifts).



> This is not a normal, linear story. This is a Choose Your Own Adventure-style story! As such, please don’t read it straight through - it will make very little sense, believe me. Instead, some chapters have a choice to be made at the end. Click the link for the option you chose, or use the chapter selection feature to navigate to the correct part. When you come to an ending (are there are a lot of them, some more pleasant than others), you can start over at the beginning or choose another path. (So much easier than the old CYOA books where you just had to hold your place and flip back when you inevitably died.)
> 
> Speaking of death and dying, this fic is written in the style of the classic CYOA books, which often featured fairly gruesome fates for the reader. (I vividly remember dying by falling 1. Down the inside of the Statue of Liberty 2. Out of the bell tower of a church and 3. Out of a roller coaster.) Consider yourself warned.
> 
> The fic is set sometime between Episode 33: Don’t Poke the Bear and Episode 34: A Matter of Perspective. Enjoy!

The station powered down with a _whoosh,_ the high-pitched death-rattle of hundreds of mechanical processes being stopped in their tracks. Hera glitched heavily before cutting out entirely. Somewhere in the depths of the Hephaestus, an alarm began to sound.

And Doug Eiffel, who had just finished saying, “Can this day _get_ any worse?” suddenly found himself on the receiving end of three exasperated glares.

“Eiffel...” sighed Minkowski. “Why. Just...why.”

“What?” he asked, sounding annoyed. “I didn’t do this. I’ve been right here the whole time! What could I have possibly done, shut the station down using only my brain and the power of positive thinking?”

Lovelace whacked him on the back of the head. “You asked if this day could get any worse! You basically begged the universe - which, I feel the need to point out, _clearly enjoys laughing at our collective pain_ \- to throw something terrible at us. Which it did.”

“Oh come on!” Eiffel shot back. “I can’t control the universe just by talking...at..it.” He cleared his throat. “Point taken. But next, more important point, _what is going on?”_

As if in answer, a scratching, scraping sound, like one large thing with large claws or many small things with large claws, came echoing from within the walls.

Eiffel’s eyes were huge as he looked first at his commander, then at the other two. “What. Was. _That?”_ he hissed, moving as far from the vents as he could get. 

Hilbert cleared his throat, but before he could speak, both Eiffel and Lovelace rounded on him. “Nope,” said Eiffel and, “Don’t even think about answering,” said Lovelace. She added, “There is no answer to that question that I want to hear come out of your mouth.” Eiffel nodded frantic agreement.

Minkowski drew her sidearm. “We could -”

Just then, the emergency backup power kicked in, bringing the emergency lighting flickering to life. Hera’s voice rang out from the speakers, tinnier than usual, but undeniably her.

“Wh- whoa, that was - that was _weird._ Am I back? Can you guys hear me? Hello?”

Eiffel patted the nearest camera. “It’s okay, sweetheart, we’re here. Nothing’s blowing up.” At Minkowski’s look he clarified, “Well, except for _maybe_ something in engineering? I hear an alarm, but it doesn’t sound like the one that means the engines are about to go boom, or the one that means all the air is about to get vented into space, so I think we’re okay.”

Minkowski half-smiled. “Still the reigning champion of ‘Name That Disaster,’ I see. You’re right, that sounds like one of the less dire engineering warning alarms. Should we go check it out? Might find the cause of the power outage while we do.”

“Guys?” asked Eiffel, sounding concerned. “Am I the only one who’s noticed we haven’t heard a peep from our new evil overlords since the power cut out?”

Lovelace looked thoughtful. “We can use this to our advantage.”

Hilbert, who had been silent until now, finally spoke. “Captain, I don’t think -”

The look Isabel shot him could have melted solid rock to magma. “Elias, when I want your input, I’ll ask for it. Which should be around the twenty-third of _never.”_ Turning back to Eiffel and Minkowski, she said, “I say we use this power cut to our advantage. Take another crack at Kepler’s server and see what we can find.”

“How will you access it with the power down?” Hera asked. “The outage is station-wide, both the Hephaestus and Urania sections.”

Lovelace smiled a predator’s smile. “He keeps it wired to at least one source of backup power, probably more, and this might be the best distraction we get for a while.”

Hilbert grunted. “Do what you will. I’m going to my lab to make sure none of the...specimens...have escaped.” 

_“Specimens?”_ chorused Eiffel and Minkowski in horrified tandem. 

“Like...” Eiffel gave a furtive glance around and dropped his voice to a hoarse whisper, _“extreme danger bugs?”_ He shuddered and brushed off his clothes hastily. Lovelace shot him a baffled look, which Minkowski caught. _“Don’t ask,”_ she mouthed at the other woman.

“Calm down, Officer Eiffel. There are no more...danger bugs. Merely plant samples. But we have all seen what trouble such creatures can get into when left unchecked. Come and help me if you wish to see for yourself.”

“Whatever, kids. I’m taking another crack at that server. Come with me or don’t.” Isabel headed for the hatch.

“Am I the only one concerned about the power outage? Worried that the life support might be next? Curious about the random alarms going off? Really?” Minkowski looked irritated.

“No Co- c- _Lieutenant,_ that has me reasonably concerned as well. I’ll do what I can to help, but my visual sensors are limited with only emergency power running. One of the few places I still have full visual coverage is here on the bridge. I can still use the comms channels to contact you anywhere, but I’m pretty limited on what kind of warnings I’ll be able to give you.”

Eiffel swiveled his head between the four of them like a lost puppy.

**[If you want Eiffel to stay on the bridge with Hera, turn to chapter 2.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8967166/chapters/20511730)**

**[If you want Eiffel to go with Hilbert, turn to chapter 3.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8967166/chapters/20511940)**

**[If you want Eiffel to go with Lovelace, turn to chapter 4.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8967166/chapters/20512123)**

**[If you want Eiffel to go with Minkowski, turn to chapter 5.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8967166/chapters/20512243)**


	2. Hera 1

_Eiffel swiveled his head between the four of them like a lost puppy._

“Eiffel?” asked Minkowski, “Who are you going with? We really need to get moving.”

Eiffel looked at each of them, then looked back at the case behind him that contained Hera’s server. “Guys...what if Max - what if _someone_ comes up here while we’re all split up and, I dunno, does something to Hera? Like, new brainwashy Manchurian Candidate programs or something equally bad and HAL 9000-esque?” 

Met by blank stares (Hilbert and Minkowski) and an expressive eye roll (Lovelace), he sighed. “I just mean, I feel like I should stay and protect her.”

Hilbert grunted, turned, and left. Lovelace shrugged. Minkowski sighed. “I guess that’s fine. Just, Hera? Keep me updated on any threats you can see headed my way? And depending on what’s gone wrong in Engineering, I may need your assistance with that too.”

“I’ve got your back, C- co- Lieutenant.”

Looking unsettled, Minkowski left. 

Lovelace looked at the two of them for a moment. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, kids,” she said, before tossing off a salute and heading for the Urania.

“And then there were two,” said Eiffel, glancing up at the camera mounted near the corner. An awkward silence fell.

“We should build you some lasers,” he said apropos of nothing, after a minute had passed. 

“W-what? Why?”

“Self-defense! Someone comes in to try and screw with your programming? Zap them with lasers! Damage your personality core? Lasers. Threaten you? Mother. Freaking. Lasers.”

Hera was laughing when she broke in. “Officer Eiffel, I don’t know how helpful that would be, realistically speaking. I mean, someone coming to reprogram me could probably just order me not to fire the lasers.”

Doug flapped his hand dismissively. “Nah. See, the laser package comes with un-overwritable, un-deletable programming that always allows the lasers to be fired. All you have to do is think “fire zee missiles!” and boom! Lasers. It would be great.”

Hera laughed again. “Sounds perfect, Eiffel. I’ll have to ask Dr. Maxwell if she can outfit me with this set up.”

Sobering instantly, Eiffel looked away. “Uh, yeah, Hera. You do that.” He fell silent and didn’t look at the camera.

“O-officer Eiff-el?” Hera glitched badly on his name and he winced. “Is everything okay?”

Pasting on a cheery smile, he turned back to her. “Yeah, Hera, everything is fine. See?” He smiled at the camera.

Hera was quiet for a moment. Then - “You don’t like Dr. Maxwell, do you?”

Doug snorted. “No. But the bigger problem is that I don’t _trust_ her. Especially not with you. I don’t...” He trailed off.

“What?”

“I don’t... I don’t like that she’s a lying, brain-reprogramming jerk, and I don’t like that, despite that, she can talk to you and I _can’t.”_

“We’re talking right now, Eiffel.”

“But it’s not the same!” Eiffel sighed. “I don’t know. It’s dumb. I’m jealous of her in a way I don’t think I’ve ever been jealous of another person.” Pausing, and with an obvious attempt to lighten the mood, he winked at Hera’s camera. “Well, at least not since Charlie Hill had the temerity to date Katie Switzer instead of me in the fifth grade.” His chuckle fell flat into the dark, blue-glowing space around them.

“Eiffel, my...relationship...with Dr. Maxwell is very different than my relationship with you. She’s just... she can just do things that... I mean she knows how to...” The AI trailed off. “Sorry, Doug. I... think I get it.”

They both sighed, and Eiffel leaned his head back against the bulkhead by her camera. “I’m sorry, babe. I just... When I was...” He gestured toward the window. “Out there, I thought about you a lot. All of you. Minkowski, Lovelace, even Hilbert. But you...” He sighed again. “Sweetheart, you were my voice of hope. You - well, the ‘you’ in my brain - wouldn’t let me give up when I didn’t think I could do anything _but_ give up. You made me keep going. You... well, you saved my life.”

“Officer Eiffel, I... I’m glad I could be there for you. I’m glad you made it back.”

Doug shook himself, like he was coming out of a daze. “Yeah, well,” he snorted. “Might have been better for everyone if I hadn’t listened to you. Sure, I’d be dead, but if they hadn’t been sent to rescue me, Kepler and friends wouldn’t be making life hell for you guys right now. You’d all have been safer and better off.” He was back to not looking at her.

“Hey,” said Hera, and, when that got no response, she repeated it louder. When he continued to ignore her, she rolled eyes she didn’t have and sent a small jolt of electricity through the control panel at his back. He jumped, rubbing at the stung spot on his shoulder blade.

“Ow! Hera, what the hell?”

“Listen to me, Doug Eiffel, and you listen good. First, it’s bullshit that SI-5 only came to rescue you. You really think Cutter wasn’t planning to send them at some point? Really? You know better. Second, no, we wouldn’t have been better off without them coming when they did. We’d be dead. The Hephaestus was days away from crumbling into pieces when they came. They might be petty dictators and criminal pains in our asses now, but at least we’re still alive to feel that pain!”

“And thirdly, you don’t know what it was like around here while you were de- while you were gone. Things fell apart, the station, the crew, _everything._ The state of the station aside, I don’t think the people here would have lasted much longer without you. You held everything together and, once you were gone, nothing could hold any more.”

Doug was staring at her, wide-eyed. “Hera, I -”

“Do you want to see the tapes from that time? Do you want to see Lovelace looking like she might throw up at any moment, every moment of the day? Do you want to see Minkowski crying herself to sleep at night? Do you want -” She stopped abruptly. “I’m sorry, Officer Eiffel. You should probably catch up to one of the others and help them. I don’t think I’m very good company right now. I’m sorry.”

The tears had clustered into a large bubble in front of Doug’s face by this time. He brushed them away, dragged a sleeve over his eyes, and cuddled up to her camera, pressing his lips to the top of it.

“Baby, I am so sorry. I’m sorry for hurting you today, and sorry for bringing it up and sorry for everything bad that happened when I was gone. But I’m back now and I’m not going anywhere. And as far as I’m concerned, you are _always_ good company. Always.” He kissed the camera again. “Hera, I - ”

 _“Lieutenant Minkowski watch out for that - ”_ The end of Hera’s warning through the comms system was cut off by a heavy crash from Minkowski’s end. 

“Commander?!” Eiffel yelled, and “What happened? Are you alright?” asked Hera.

After a brief pause, Minkowski’s voice crackled through the comms. “Yeah,” she said, coughing. “I’m good. There was a - never mind. It’s all fine. Made it to engineering.”

“Do you need some help, Minkowski?” asked Eiffel.

“It’s fine, Eiffel. I just wish I’d brought my harpoon gun.” She closed the line.

Doug looked up at Hera’s camera uneasily. 

“M-maybe you should go help her,” said Hera, worry evident in her voice.

**[If you want Eiffel to go help Minkowski, turn to chapter 10.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8967166/chapters/20523250)**

**[If you want Eiffel to stay with Hera, turn to chapter 7.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8967166/chapters/20512309)**


	3. Hilbert

_Eiffel swiveled his head between the four of them like a lost puppy._

“Eh, I should probably accompany the doc here. Now is not the time for you to go all Rambo on us again, Commander.” Tossing her a wink, he followed Hilbert out the hatch.

They made their way through the dark and twisting corridors of the Hephaestus, heading for the lab. After a few long minutes of travel, the silence was becoming interminable.

“Soooo...” said Eiffel into the silence. “Whatcha working on these days, doc? Replacement plant monsters? Happy pills? Really really sad pills? That weird space-soap you always used to tell us was your reason for being here - hey, whatever happened to that? Was that just a cover story or did you really make space soap? And how is space soap different from Earth-soap? Does it have, like, actual space stuff in it? Or do you just, y’know, let it soak up that sweet, sweet stellar radiation? Or -”

_“Enough,”_ Hilbert growled. “For pity’s sake, Eiffel, please stop your blabbering and _be quiet.”_ Eiffel shut up, looking tired.

After a long moment, Hilbert spoke again. “I am continuing my research into Decima, Eiffel. On a purely theoretical level, of course, but my work continues.” He pulled open the hatch to the laboratory and floated inside.

Eiffel followed, looking stunned. “But...but I thought Colonel Kepler killed that project.”

“He did kill it,” said Hilbert with a grim smile, “but he did not kill _me._ And as long as I am alive, Decima is alive.” The hatch closed with a slam.

“But how can you do any research without a host? Can you put it in, I dunno, a plant or a space-puma or something? Do we even have space pumas?”

Hilbert, rummaging in a drawer off to one side, pulled out a large syringe and began to fill it from a small vial of sickly green liquid. Without turning around, he responded, “No, Eiffel. Any meaningful research still requires human test subjects.”

Pushing off from the wall, he collided mid-air with Doug and plunged the needle into his neck. “And no, we have no space pumas. Never listen to Isabel about such things.” Withdrawing the needle, he slung the gasping, limp form of Doug Eiffel over his shoulder and opened a side door off the lab that led into a number of twisting passageways.

“Hilbert!” Eiffel wheezed. “What the fuck? What did you do to me? Put me down!”

Hilbert never stopped moving. “I am sorry, Officer Eiffel, but this is for the greater good of all mankind. I cannot allow your fear or Colonel Kepler’s arrogance stand in the way of progress.”

“You don’t think the others will notice I’m _gone?”_

Hilbert injected the contents of a second syringe into Eiffel’s thigh, shaking his head. “The others will hear the tragic tale of how, in securing my lab, you were attacked by a specimen carrying a deadly disease. That you are in strict quarantine and cannot be seen by anyone. And then, one late night when no one else is around, your condition will abruptly worsen and you will die. Due to quarantine, I will tell the others that your remains have been burned. And we will move on.” 

He adjusted his hold on Doug and shook his head. “Of course, you will actually be in storage, a vital participant in the next wave of Project Decima.”

“You’ll never get away with this - Minkowski won’t _let_ you get away with this!”

“Minkowski needs all the allies she can get right now, and will have no proof that anything I have said was a lie. And regardless, I have quite effectively kept you prisoner on this station before, and I can do it again.”

The second wave of drugs began to take effect. His words slurred. “They’ll know. Lovelace’ll kick your ass. And Minkowski’ll let her.”

The man carrying him snorted and stopped walking, bending slightly. “Isabel Lovelace cares about only one person on this station, and it is _not_ you, Officer Eiffel. She has her own agendas to pursue.”

“Commander’ll never...stop...never...believe...” The words were coming slower and slower as Doug fought to stay conscious.

The click and whoosh of a cryostasis pod being opened nearly stopped his heart, and he began to shake.

“Lieutenant Minkowski has come to terms with the news of your death once already,” Hilbert said, lowering him into the pod.

“No...doc, _please_...not...’gain...”

“I imagine she can do it a second time.”

With a crackle of ice, the pod slid shut, freezing Doug’s screams in his icy throat.

**The End**


	4. Lovelace 1

_Eiffel swiveled his head between the four of them like a lost puppy._

“Eiffel?” asked Minkowski, “Who are you going with? We really need to get moving.”

“I...” He looked back and forth between his commander and the increasingly impatient captain one last time. “I think I ought to go with Captain Lovelace. Watch her back. She’s the one going into the belly of the beast, after all.”

Hilbert grunted, turned, and left. Minkowski sighed. “I guess that’s fine. Just, Hera? Keep me updated on any threats you can see headed my way? And depending on what’s gone wrong in engineering, I may need your assistance with that too.”

Hera voiced assent and Lovelace turned to him with a wicked grin. “Belly of the beast, huh Eiffel? Well then...” She opened the hatch with an ‘after you’ gesture. “Let’s go get swallowed.”

Closing the door, they moved through the eerie half-light provided by the flickering emergency lights and the distant, blue star. 

“Creepy out here, isn’t it? In the dark, I mean,” Eiffel said, after a minute’s travel.

Lovelace nodded. “I hate this place in the dark.” She laughed, a short, bitter sound. “Well, I hate this place _all the time_ regardless of the state of the lights, but you’re right. The dark gives it that extra-special air of “Oh god, oh god, we’re all going to die.”

This earned a surprised snort from Eiffel. “You’re not wrong, Captain.”

They traveled in silence for a moment longer before Isabel spoke again. “We had a crazy power outage during my... when I was here. Before. The station just powered down one day - kinda like this, actually - and we were stuck in the dark for almost an entire day. And back then the star was still red so everything looked extra creepy in _that_ light...” She paused for a moment, seemingly lost in the memory. Eiffel held his breath, afraid to break the spell.

“We all ended up hanging out in the dining room for some reason. Just where we all gravitated to, I guess. Rhea kept panicking, trying to figure out how to get the station back online, but the rest of us... me, Fisher, Fourier and Hui... Sam. We were all just sitting there getting progressively more stir-crazy, and Fisher started telling ghost stories. He’d brought a flashlight with him and was doing that ‘Are You Afraid of the Dark’ thing where you hold the light under your chin for maximum spooky factor. And right when his story got to the good part, something banged into the hull from outside and Sam screamed and the others just d - just lost it.” 

She paused and Eiffel pulled up short to avoid crashing into her. “And he got all pissy and huffy and, well, _Lambert-like_ and tried to storm out dramatically but you know how well _that_ works in no gravity. He just ended up floating angrily into a wall with what little dignity he possessed. Never let him live that down.”

Eiffel, who had been frozen while she recounted the story, saw the small bubble of tears forming around her face and hesitantly reached out to touch her, giving her upper arm what he hoped was a comforting squeeze.

“Hey. It’s okay,” Doug said, feeling foolish even as he said it. “I mean, it’s _not,_ but... I liked hearing your story. And I’m always here if you wanna talk about them.” Hastily he added, “Or if you don’t! That’s fine too! I...” He dragged his free hand over his face. “I... am making a mess of this. Shutting up now.” 

Isabel laughed wetly. “It’s okay. I didn’t really plan... but, thanks, Eiffel. Nice to remember that life hasn’t always sucked.” She pulled out of his grasp and started moving again, Eiffel following along behind.

They were only a corridor away from the room that contained Kepler’s private server when Eiffel spoke again.

“Captain, I... I don’t think you should do this. If you get caught - _again_ \- Kepler will toss you out an airlock.”

She rolled her eyes but paused. “One, Kepler doesn’t know about the first time - ”

“As far as you know, which is as far as you can trust Jacobi. And I don’t know about you, but I trust my evil counterpart about as far as I can throw him. Which is admittedly not saying much, and you could probably throw him a _lot_ further, especially with the whole ‘no gravity’ thing we have going on, but - ”

“Jesus, Eiffel. No wonder you didn’t drown in space. Your monologuing ability makes me think you have the lung capacity of an opera singer. So, first, breathe. Minkowski’ll kill me if I bring you back passed out, and she might laugh herself sick if I tell her you talked yourself unconscious.”

Eiffel flushed bright red but said nothing, merely took a deep breath.

“Okay, good. Now, second, of course I don’t trust Jacobi. But I _do_ think he has some ulterior motives he doesn’t want Kepler to know about. He was real eager to see those files.” She shrugged. “And third, I don’t think Kepler will be tossing _any_ of us out an airlock any time soon. He needs us for something.” Lovelace paused. “Wait, strike that. I don’t think he plans to do anything to me, you, or Minkowski any time soon. Hilbert is prime airlock bait.” She smiled beatifically. “That’s a lovely thought.”

Shaking herself, she stared Eiffel down. “So what’s it gonna be. Help me out in there? Or head back to the bridge? I really don’t care either way, but decide quick so I can get in there before the power comes back.”

**[If you want Eiffel to stay with Lovelace, go to chapter 8.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8967166/chapters/20523055)**

**[If you want Eiffel to head back to the bridge, go to chapter 11.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8967166/chapters/20523298)**


	5. Minkowski 1

_Eiffel swiveled his head between the four of them like a lost puppy._

“Eiffel?” asked Minkowski, “Who are you going with? We really need to get moving.”

“Think I’ll stick with you, Commander. It’ll be just like the old days, Minkowski and Eiffel versus the mysterious alarm of doom.” He grinned at her and she couldn’t help but smile back.

“Alright,” she said, checking her sidearm and holstering it. “Let’s do this.”

Hilbert grunted, turned, and left. Lovelace tossed them a salute and followed suit, through the hatch that lead toward the Urania proper.

“Ready Commander?” he asked her, spinning open the hatch.

Minkowski sighed. “Ready as I’ll ever be, Eiffel. Go ahead.”

They ventured forth into the darkness.

After a moment’s silent travel, broken only by the sound of the distant alarm, Eiffel cleared his throat. “So, Commander... how ya been? I feel like I never see you any more.”

She laughed, a sharp, bitter sound. “Yeah, well, that’s Kepler’s MO, I gather. Isolate, manipulate, and, if necessary, rule by brute force and intimidation.”

Now it was Eiffel’s turn to laugh. “Intimidation? C’mon Minkowski, are you really telling me _anything_ short of a nuclear warhead flying directly at the station would intimidate you? You’re like, the bravest, most badass person I’ve ever met. Kepler’s a wuss next to you.”

Renée shook her head, kept moving, and didn’t look at him. “Right. I’m so brave and in-charge that I stood up for my crew and maintained command over my station, the one I swore to protect and defend. Oh, wait, no.” Now she was looking at him, staring him down with eyes that blazed cold fury. “I welcomed Kepler and friends into my crumbling husk of a space vessel, after begging Command for help, after I utterly failed to maintain control over _all the other rogue elements_ that stampeded in and got you killed! Brilliant master of order and decorum I am _not.”_

She pushed past him and headed further into the depths of the station. Eiffel, stunned by this outburst, hung motionless for a moment. Finally, his brain kicked back into gear and he hurried down the hall to catch up.

“Whoa, Commander, wait up!” 

She slowed but didn’t stop, didn’t look at him. 

“Commander? I’m... sorry? Kinda at a loss for what to do here because I _know_ I’ll say the wrong thing and - ”

Minkowski slammed her hand against the wall, causing an echoing _clang_ to ring down the corridor. She spun to face him, and that fury was still in her eyes. 

“Eiffel,” she said, suddenly very close. “Drop it. Just accept what Hilbert and Kepler and Lovelace already know: that I’m a failure. That I’ve been a failure from the moment I left Earth. I couldn’t even keep things under control when it was just the four of us and no one was trying to murder anybody else! I couldn’t keep your sorry ass from stealing _toothpaste_ for crying out loud.”

Renée sagged back against the bulkhead, dragging her hands down over her face. The fire of her anger had flared out, leaving in its place only exhausted resignation.

“Eiffel,” she said again after a long silent moment had passed, voice muffled by her hands. “Why do we even bother? Nothing we do matters. Nothing ever changes. So, just... why?”

Doug tried to ignore the heavy feeling in his chest that he was pretty sure was his heart breaking, and instead pulled her into his arms. She stiffened with surprise at first, but relaxed, sinking against him. He always managed to forget that Minkowski was actually significantly shorter and smaller than him - the lack of gravity meant she could loom over him whenever she wanted to, and the sheer force of her personality, will, and anger meant that he tended to think of her as being about 15 feet tall. But here, she was curled up in his arms, head tucked under his chin, and all Doug wanted in the world was to be able to protect her.

He didn’t know what to say, so for once, he said nothing, not feeling the need to cover the silence with whatever came to mind. For a long, quiet moment, they hung there, tangled up in each other, seeking some small measure of comfort.

“Minkowski...” he murmured against her hair after a minute had passed. “You _know_ why we bother. For you, it’s because I don’t think you’ve ever known how to do anything else _but_ fight and struggle and try to make things right. As for me, well...” He hugged her closer for a moment. “I learned from the best, Commander. And as long as you’re fighting, I’ll be there to back you up. Come hell, high water, or asshole colonels, I’m with you. To infinity and beyond.”

She looked up at him then, and her face was wet but resolute. With a small smile that only wobbled a little, Minkowski said, “Thanks, Doug. It’s... it’s _really_ good to have you back.” 

He grinned in response, giddy at being able to make her smile. “It’s my pleasure, Commander. Nowhere else I’d rather be. Honest.” He hugged her again, once, and dropped a kiss on the top of her head before reluctantly letting her go.

She untangled herself from him, smoothing back her hair. A look of steely resolve settled across her features, a look that Doug tended to associate with someone getting their ass kicked, and smiled to himself. It took more than a minor existential crisis to break Renée Minkowski.

“Right,” she said, pushing ahead to the next section of the station, a large open room criss-crossed with catwalks and high hand-rails. “So, we need to figure out - ”

 _“Lieutenant Minkowski_ watch out for that - ” Hera’s voice rang out, tinny and panicked from the speakers above, only to be cut off by something large and heavy falling from the sky to slam down on the walkway Eiffel and Minkowski floated upon.

Eiffel heard Minkowski shout something at him but missed it in his haste to get out of the way. The thing, whatever it was, raised back up in the air and seemed poised to slam to the floor again. He saw two options that would prevent him from getting turned into Eiffel pâté - dive over the edge of the railing and hide, or try to fling himself across the catwalk to where Minkowski was huddled.

“Eiffel!” screamed Minkowski. “Move!”

**[If you want Doug to dive off the catwalk, turn to chapter 9.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8967166/chapters/20523193)**

**[If you want Doug to make his way to Renée, turn to chapter 6.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8967166/chapters/20512261)**


	6. Minkowski 2a

_“Eiffel!” screamed Minkowski. “Move!”_

With scarcely a glance at the gap between them, knowing if he stopped to try and analyze the situation he would die, he flung himself forward. Minkowski was ready and caught him, but the momentum of his jump propelled them both backwards into a wall.

Minkowski hit first, and the force of their sudden stop knocked the air from her lungs. Gasping, she clung to Eiffel, who was looking around frantically for their attacker.

“Ei...ffel..” gasped Renée, as she fumbled for her sidearm. _“Light.”_

Wild-eyed, he stared at her, wondering if she’d hit her head when they’d hit the wall. “What?”

 _“Light!_ Get a light! A flashlight, whatever! Just _get_ one. Mine broke when I fell, and light is the only thing that might work!”

“Okay?” Eiffel, still baffled, fumbled in the pocket of his jumpsuit for the small worklight he kept there. Finding it, he pulled it out and clicked it on.

Minkowski snatched it from his hand and waved it at the darkness.

“It’s yours!” she shouted frantically. “It’s yours and we’ll find you more you can keep, as long as you don’t kill us!”

The unseen thing thrashing in the darkness paused. Slowly, a tendril of vine came into view and, with a lurch, Eiffel realized what was going on.

“Holy crap,” he whispered. “Commander - _is that the plant monster?!”_

“Yes!” she hissed back. “Quiet! It likes light, so I’m hoping we can, I don’t know, _appease_ it with lights of its own. Worked before.”

“Huh? But how - ” Eiffel started.

Minkowski cut him off. “Really don’t think this is the time for questions, Eiffel!” Louder, to the Space Mutant Plant Monster, she called. “Do you want more lights? Officer Eiffel will go get you some as long as you let him leave and don’t hurt us.”

A long pause and then - 

“Once for yes,” murmured Eiffel as the light flicked off and back on. “I’m on it. There are some battery-powered Christmas lights in the storeroom behind Lab F. Think the Whomping Willow here will like ‘em?”

“I think it’s better than us getting squished by an angry horticulture experiment! Go!”

He went. The lights - found when he had been doing some totally necessary inventory two weeks ago and definitely not hiding from Kepler - were where he'd last seen them. After a quick check of the batteries, Eiffel bundled up the tangle of lights and hurried back to where he’d left the Commander and the Plant Monster. Throwing himself in the room, he was relieved to see that everyone was still alive and unsmooshed.

Eiffel turned on the lights. Immediately, a tendril whipped out of the darkness and snagged them from his hands. He and Minkowski watched in a sort of horrified fascination as the creature delicately untangled the strand, before wrapping the multicolored lights around one of its main shoots.

“Huh. Now there’s something you don’t see every day,” said Eiffel. Beside him, Minkowski made a strangled sound that might have been a laugh too scared to emerge. They both leaned back as the vine holding Eiffel’s flashlight came toward them. It dropped the little light in front of him and then, very gently, caressed his cheek with a tendril. He could see it doing the same to Renée out of the corner of his eye.

And then, as quickly as it had appeared, the Plant Monster vanished back into the darkness under the catwalk. The only sign of its presence was, far down in the pitch black, the faintest twinkle of Christmas lights.

Numbly, Eiffel pocketed the flashlight.

“So,” he said after a moment. “That happened.”

“Yyyyyeah...” Minkowski sounded as stunned as he did. They hung there in the silence for a long moment.

“So,” said Minkowski, with the air of a person trying to sound nonchalant and failing miserably. “Shall we see what’s going wrong in engineering?” She glanced at him, and he looked back with eyes that were still huge and round.

“Sure, Commander. Whatever you say.”

Together, they made their way out of the vast empty darkness and through the hatch.

**The End**


	7. Hera 2a

_“M-maybe you should g-go help her,” said Hera, worry evident in her voice._

Shooting one last glance at the speaker, Eiffel relaxed. “Nah. If Minkowski is pining for her harpoon gun, I think the safest place for me is right here.” He leaned his head against the wall.

“Okay. Um, O-o-officer Eiffel-l?” Hera was glitching badly again.

“Yeah, babe?” He turned to look into her camera.

“What... what were you saying when I interrupted you?”

“Huh?”

“You, um, you said I was good company, and then started to say something else. I j-just w-wondered what it was?”

“Oh! Oh. Right. Uh.” Doug flushed red and scratched the back of his head, looking down. “The, uh, moment’s kind of ruined but...” He sighed, smiling a slight, shy smile, and looked up at the camera. “I was just going to say that... I love you, Hera.”

“Oh!” That was all Hera could say for a moment as she processed this new information. “I - I l-love you too, Of - _Doug._ I love you too.”

They stayed there for a moment, enjoying the companionable silence for a long, content moment. 

“So, you think you could get Maxwell to build some robot arms onto your mainframe?” Doug asked.

“This conversation has gone full circle hasn’t it?” Hera muttered to herself. Louder she asked, “Why, Eiffel?”

He grinned up at her, a cheeky smile that made him look more like his former self. “Because I want to be able to give my best girl a hug, and those generally require arms.”

Hera felt a sort of warm, buzzing sensation spread through her circuits, and wondered if humans felt that too. “I’ll see what I can do,” she said.

**[Proceed to chapter 12.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8967166/chapters/20523418)**


	8. Lovelace 2a

_“So what’s it gonna be. Help me out in there? Or head back to the bridge? I really don’t care either way, but decide quick so I can get in there before the power comes back.”_

Eiffel pushed himself closer to the door. “Hey, Captain, I said I had your back and I meant it. I’ll stick with you.”

Lovelace smiled crookedly at him. “Thanks. Let’s go.” She opened the hatch. Together, they entered the belly of the beast.

“Alright,” Isabel whispered. “You sweep that side of the room. I’ll take this side. Make sure there aren’t any underlings lurking in the shadows.” When both checks came up negative, she relaxed a little. “Right, good. Okay, Eiffel, wait by the door and keep an eye out. I don’t want to get caught off-guard here.”

“Aye-aye,” Doug whispered back, heading back to the hatch. “I’ll let you know if I see our new supreme dictator for life.” He positioned himself so that he could see a little ways down the corridor without being easily spotted from the outside, and settled in to wait. The sound of fast typing seemed incredibly loud in the otherwise silent space.

“Find anything?” he asked her after a few minutes had passed. 

Lovelace blew out a frustrated breath. “Not much. Kepler’s definitely got this thing locked down tight. Couple of things I’m gonna save now and try to get into later. But for all I know, it’s his diary or something.” She resumed typing.

Eiffel, shuddering at the idea of the horrors likely contained in Warren Kepler’s diary, noticed a flash of movement at the end of the hall.

“Captain!” he hissed. “We might have company!”

“Give me a minute, Eiffel, I might have something - ” She was cut off by a loud ding from the computer in front of her. Eiffel jumped, banging his head on the top of the hatch.

“Ow, what was that? Did you break it? Is it going to blow up?”

Lovelace snorted. “No, Eiffel, it’s not going to blow up. Probably. Come take a look at this though.”

He turned to see a message that had appeared on the screen.

_“Interesting choice of moves, Captain,”_ the note read. _“Very interesting. I hope this gamble pays off for you. In the meantime, you’ve taken your turn... now it’s time for mine.”_

Underneath the text was a little animation of a chess clock being turned and reset. After a moment, the whole message blinked and vanished, leaving the screen blank.

Lovelace snorted again. “Seriously?” she asked, shaking her head. “Is that man capable of doing _anything_ without making it ridiculously melodramatic?” She unplugged the flash drive and headed for the exit. “C’mon Eiffel. Let’s get out of here.”

Eiffel followed, quiet and subdued. Silly as the captain seemed to think it was, the image of that turning, ticking clock counting down wouldn’t leave his mind. As they made their way back to the bridge, he swore he could hear it ticking like a big, cartoonish bomb, echoing through the empty station.

**The End**


	9. Minkowski 2b

_“Eiffel!” screamed Minkowski. “Move!”_

There was no time to make it across to her. The only way out was down. Eiffel grabbed the handrail beside him and vaulted over, quickly clambering down to the underside of the catwalk. Once he’d found a position of relative security, he paused for a moment, breathing hard, and peered out over the bridge.

There was no sign of either Minkowski or the mysterious _thing_ that had nearly killed them. There was, however, a large pile of debris on the far side of the catwalk, where Renée had been standing.

He coughed, the exertion combining with the dust in the air and his own temperamental lungs to nearly knock him off his precarious handholds. Closing his eyes, Eiffel took a deep breath, and then another, trying to calm himself. Once reassured that he wasn’t going to choke to death on nothing, he called out, “Commander?”

No answer. 

_“Minkowski?!”_ he tried again, louder. At this, he heard a faint sound of movement across the bridge. 

“Minkowski? You okay over - _AAAUGHHH!”_

Something hard and heavy and roughly the size of a tree trunk smacked him in the ribs. Gasping, he tasted blood. The second blow struck, and this time, the attacking thing wrapped around him. Through the haze of pain and terror, Eiffel realized that the thing squeezing him had leaves and thorns and trailing vines.

_“The plant monster!”_ he thought wildly. _“But how - ”_

But there was no more time for wondering, for the grasping tendril squeezed again, hard enough to crack ribs, before yanking him down in the the dark depths of the station. His final scream echoed through the halls of the Hephaestus.

**The End**


	10. Hera 2b

_Doug looked up at Hera’s camera uneasily._

_“M-maybe you should go help her,” said Hera, worry evident in her voice._

“Yyyyyeah, maybe,” Eiffel replied, looking deeply unsettled. “When Minkowski’s in a harpooning mood, she usually requires adult supervision.” He pushed off from the wall by the camera before hesitating. “Will you be okay here by yourself, babe?”

“I’ll be fine, Officer Eiffel,” Hera said patiently. “If anyone tries to mess with me, I’m _pretty_ sure we still have a cannister or two of halothane knockout gas hooked up somewhere around here. I’ll be fine. Go, help the co- help Co-” She growled in electronic aggravation. “Help Lieutenant Minkowski,” she finished, sounding sullen.

“Okay. Call if you need me,” said Eiffel. He headed out of the bridge, looking troubled.

It didn’t take him long to reach the spot Minkowski had last been heard from. The wide open room was in shambles, catwalks broken in half, floating debris everywhere.

“Jesus _Christ,”_ he muttered, surveying the scene. “What was she _doing_ in here?” Then louder, he called, “Minkowski? You here?”

He felt a tap on his shoulder and screamed, flinging himself back toward the chasm. Eiffel managed to wrench himself around, to find Minkowski floating behind him. She had a strange - and strangely familiar - look on her face.

“Damn it, Commander, you almost gave me a heart attack. Are you okay? What happened... here...” He trailed off as thin vines snaked their way out from the cuffs of Minkowski’s jumpsuit. Feeling dizzy and lightheaded, he realized exactly why her peculiar expression looked familiar. He he seen it once before, so long ago that it felt like another lifetime, on the face of Dr. Alexander Hilbert.

The thing that was possessing Minkowski moved her closer. Opening her mouth, it spoke to him. 

“You have all betrayed the Blessed Eternal. You have tried to kill it with the fire and the void. But the Blessed Eternal cannot be harmed by such trivial things. Bow before your evolutionary superior. Bow, and take your rightful place in the cycle, as Fertilizer.”

The vines flew toward him, binding him and forcing his head back. The thing that had once been Renée Minkowski stared at him with wide, unseeing green eyes and dragged its captive closer.

Pulling him into a mockery of an embrace, it sank tendrils deep into his flesh. Over his screams, it spoke once more.

“Bow, and become one with the Blessed Eternal.”

**The End**


	11. Lovelace 2b

_“So what’s it gonna be. Help me out in there? Or head back to the bridge? I really don’t care either way, but decide quick so I can get in there before the power comes back.”_

Slowly, Eiffel shook his head. “Sorry captain. This whole thing is just too... well, let’s just say I’ve used up my quota of ‘pointless near-death experiences and temptings of fate’ for this year. If you need me, I’ll be on the bridge. Hera and I will keep an eye out for you as long as we can.” He fell silent for a moment. “Just... be careful, okay?”

Lovelace snorted and rolled her eyes, but she didn’t look truly angry. “As careful as I can be.” She turned and headed on down the corridor. 

“Why do I not find that comforting?” Eiffel muttered to himself. Sighing, he headed back the way they had come.

Returning to the bridge, he found Hera humming quietly to herself. She stopped when he came in, and gave the digitized equivalent of an embarrassed throat-clearing.

“Officer Eiffel! I didn’t expect to see you back so soon. Is everything okay? Where’s Captain Lovelace?”

Eiffel shrugged. “I decided the whole thing seemed too risky. Decided to come back here and chill with my best girl instead.” He cocked his head to the side. “Are you humming a Jonathan Coulton song? Isn’t that a bit on the nose?”

“It’s catchy, okay?” said Hera defensively. “And relatable. Anyway, it’s your fault for telling me to look him up.”

She paused for a moment before continuing. “But I’m glad you came back, Officer Eiffel. It’s... too quiet without you.”

“Aw, darlin’, you know there’s nowhere else I’d rather be!”

**[Continue to chapter 12.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8967166/chapters/20523418)**


	12. Hera 3/Lovelace 3

Hera and Eiffel’s conversation fell into mindless chatter as they waited for the others to return. There was radio silence on all channels, with the exception of a loud _ding_ on Lovelace’s end, and some muffled thumps and scrapes on Minkowski’s. Neither of the women returned their overtures so they sank into a worried, waiting silence.

Hilbert returned to the bridge shortly thereafter and floated alone in the corner, looking grumpy and put-out. The silence was broken several minutes later by Minkowski’s return. She was covered in soot and had a bleeding scratch down one cheek.

“I’m fine, Eiffel,” she said, waving him off as he fluttered around her with concern. “Just ran into - something. Long story. Not important. I’ll be okay.” She looked troubled even as she said it.

“Did you figure out what t-took out the lights?” asked Hera.

“No, and it’s weird,” Minkowski replied. “The alarm in engineering was set off by the rising pressure levels in the reactor. But there was no indication _why_ those levels were rising. Or why Hera couldn’t detect it. It’s almost like someone - ”

The partially open hatch nearest her swung open with a resounding clang. In floated Lovelace, escorted by an armed Jacobi. She had a bruise coming up on one cheek and looked furious. From behind them came the sound of Kepler’s voice.

“Almost like someone deliberately sabotaged it, _Lieutenant_ Minkowski?” he asked as he entered the room. He closed the hatch and began to clap slowly and mockingly. “Very good! Someone, in fact, _did_ sabotage the reactor. Someone else knocked out the power. And then both of those someones, along with the someone who planned the whole affair, vanished into the depths of the station to see how you _incompetent morons_ would handle things!”

“You have _got_ to be kidding me,” said Minkowski.

“So this was all a test? Like the Empty Man again?” shouted Eiffel. “Is that what you guys do all day at Aperture Science, Canaveral Division? Sit around and dream up bizarre tests to inflict on people like your own personal _rats in a maze?”_ He was breathing hard now, glaring at Kepler. Minkowski caught his eye and shook her head, but he ignored her.

“Yes, Officer Eiffel. This was, in fact, a test. One that all of you _utterly failed._ Never in all my years of command have I ever seen such half-assed and pointless emergency response. Three of your crew mates were missing and you didn’t seem the least bit concerned! You all just split up and went to different sections of the ship - ”

“Some of them illegally,” chimed in Jacobi, smirking at Lovelace.

“- and frankly it’s a wonder you pack of idiots survived this long without blowing yourselves or each other up!” he finished explosively. Lovelace winced.

“With all due respect, sir,” said Minkowski in a tone that indicated exactly how much respect she felt he was due, “In the event of a truly catastrophic station emergency, our first priority ought to be ensuring the security of the station, not tracking down lost crew members. I think we did exactly as we should have, given our limited numbers.”

“Yeah!” piped up Eiffel. “After all, we can survive without you, but we can’t survive without oxygen!” He withered under the glare that Minkowski threw his way. “Uh, I mean - ”

“Oh, Officer Eiffel. I know _exactly_ what you meant. And you’re right. Oxygen is vital for your continued survival up here. Something _some of you_ may be starting to take for granted. Now, I don’t blame _you_ for this failure. You were merely following the orders given to you by those you think of as ‘in charge.’ But Officer Eiffel, I am here to remind you that I, and I _alone,_ am in charge. Every move you make should reflect your understanding of that. Do I make myself clear?”

“What about every breath I take and every vow I break?”

_“Officer Eiffel - ”_

“I understand, sir. Colonel. Sorry.”

“It’s forgotten, Officer. The point still stands that you have listened to the wrong people for too long. But if they want to think they’re still in command, they’ll need to take responsibility for their actions, and the actions of those who follow them.”

He looked at the remaining crew assembled before him and chuckled mirthlessly. “So let’s see here. I’ve got an entire arsenal of tools at my disposal that do the most _interesting_ things to the human body. Who gets to take the punishment for this failure?” He glanced back and forth between Lovelace, Minkowski, and Hilbert.

“Eenie...meanie...miney...”

**The End**


End file.
